A TALE
Jack greeted the visitor with a beaming smile and a warm handshake. Jack kept eye contact while inquiring about his well-being as well as the well-being of his family, friends and business.
“Please, please, come in, come in,” scolded Jack in a friendly, courteous voice, a nice person for the interview. “Sit down. Can I buy you a drink? Anything ? “
No, no, begged the visitor.
Jack was pleasant in conversation, funny, self-deprecating, open, generous. A man of good company and good humor … a merry fellow.
Ting.
“Forgive me,” Jack said, putting a hand in the inside pocket of his jacket. “My phone. I’m so sorry but I’m having a chat, a bit of a debate really (laughs), with someone online.… You’ll understand I’m sure, in these modern times.”
Jack looked at his phone. His brow furrowed. He typed in an answer. Jack was the kind of soul who spoke his answers on social media as he typed them.
“I guess a third grade education doesn’t pay off in any sloppy city in the world you’re from, you ignorant pus heap. I’d call you a Neanderthal but I’ve already insulted the pus in it. comparing to you. “
Jack hit send then looked up at his visitor, with a smile and the friendly glint still in his eyes.
The visitor asked, “Anyone you know? A nemesis, perhaps?
Jack laughed, adding, “No. No. No idea who it is. I ran into her previous post and commented and she responded, etc., etc., etc. You know how it is. .… I know it’s terribly rude of me to interrupt our conversation for such nonsense but… “
Ting.
“Oh, terribly sorry,” Jack said again, smiling and gesturing magnanimously, adding, “but duty calls.”
Jack looked at his phone, showing him the woman’s new answer. “Ha! She says I’m a perfect example for birth control. Ouch. Not very original though.”
Jack typed, slowly reading his keystroke as he went, “You are a cow. And as such, you should be left in a field because neither you nor what you consider to be thoughts are worth the trouble of. be served to anyone. The best we can all hope for is you get struck by lightning and sizzle where you stand, horrible, horrible cow. “
“And send,” Jack added, tapping on his phone. “… Now where were we, oh, yeah, you were very, very kind to ask me about my ideas when …”
Ting.
“Hmmm, that was quick,†Jack said. “I wouldn’t have thought of her, since she’s a cow and everything.”
Jack read the message. His face flushed. His eyebrows tightened. His hand trembled. Always courteous to the visitor seated in front of him. “You’ll understand, please, sorry, last time I promise you,” Jack said, smiling at his visitor, even courteous tones, still keeping eye contact until it was time. to type.
Jack unloaded on the woman, full snark, full troll, full of intimidation with a hint of passive aggression, insults, insults. He read every word as he typed the message into his phone and then sent it.
“Okay,†he laughed, “I think I really got the upper hand. But she’ll probably respond. As you can see, in the foreground, I’m a reasonable man. But these things, these phones and the idiots on them, well, they seem to bring out the worst in me. “
The visitor assured Jack that he was indeed a most pleasant man, alive and in person.
Jack thanked him warmly. “You know, to avoid the temptation that I will check this thing again and get distracted and agitated, why don’t we continue this discussion while driving.… I can assure you that I won’t look at my phone just once while driving. driving. And there should be nothing to make me angry once I’m behind the wheel of a car. “
Dean Poling is editor of the Valdosta Daily Times and editor of The Tifton Gazette.
